How Will Foster Care Affect My Infant?
My ex is pregnant and planning on giving our baby up for adoption, she knows I will not sign over my parental rights but she still states she is going to terminate her rights. My lawyer said if she does terminate her rights the baby will not leave with her from the hospital, the baby will go to foster care while the paternity test is pending and while I attempt to get custody of the child. It really makes me feel so sad that this baby will have to start off his/her life like this and I am wondering how going from hospital to foster care to my care will affect the baby? I feel like that’s so much jumping around in such a short time and I assume it will be very stressful for the baby. and also what are foster homes like, I wont be able to visit the baby until after the paternity test is finalized so I am hoping to learn what kind of environment the baby will be in. Do foster parents have a bunch of kids or will my baby be the only child in the home and also how do they pick where they will place the child? My ex is about 37 or 38 weeks pregnant so I know that the baby could come any time soon and it scares me that he/she may start off life feeling completely alone.
Wow, Nixon, that totally sucks. Your ex-gf can just walk out of her child’s life like s/he doesn’t even matter, yet you can’t even SEE him/her until your paternity test proves you’re the dad? That SUCKS. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, but you hang in there, OK? It will all be worth it when you and your child are together.
Now to answer your question. For the most part, foster homes are good places. MOST foster carers are good people who do it because they love children and not for the paycheck. My son was in foster care from birth to age 2-1/2. I don’t know anything about the first foster family he was placed with except that my son was removed from their home at six months because they were abusing drugs. I don’t think my son was abused, but the back of his head is a little bit flat — possibly from lying in his crib too much? I’m not sure, but that’s what I think. The second foster home he was in was WONDERFUL. They took care of him until he was 2-1/2 and I adopted him. Those people, though not destitute, did not have a lot of money so it was pretty obvious that they spent the kids’ checks on the kids, not themselves. My son was the 5th of 5 kids in the house — the maximum number of kids they could take. He was well-fed, happy, and very loved. He did experience some turmoil when I started visiting him — I’m sure he was confused about where he belonged and who I was. He settled in nicely though, thanks to about 10 visits both in his foster home and in my home. He got used to me, basically. Your child will not be in foster care that long (obviously) and though I’m sure s/he will experience some confusion (being taken from mom, going to live with strangers, then being moved in with you), s/he will hopefully settle right in. I can only speak from my experience, so hopefully others will respond with other stories and statistics. I do know that some foster child experience difficulty with attachment and have other problems, but hopefully your child will be in your arms soon after birth so those problems won’t crop up.
Best of luck to you!
what a *****. do u wnat full custody? i dont know much about foster care i know i was in foster care for a while before being adopted , you should be able to visit the baby?? they will take good care of himher and hopefully then u will get custody of ur baby and things should be ok. i really hope u get ur child. ur ex is a heartless cow. good luck and stay strong. are u definately the father??
YOU DO NOT NEED TO FOSTER YOUR OWN CHILD!
You’re perfectly entitled to go into the hospital where your ex is delivering and not let the kid out of your sight – what with it being your kid, an’ all.http://7rin-on-adoption.dreamwidth.org/t…
Your lawyer needs to work for you. Pay more money and you can get a DNA test COMPLETED before she even leaves the hospital. There is no reason why the baby needs to be carted off to foster care when you can prove you are the father.
It should not affect the baby at all if you turn out to be the father you will get custody the baby will not even remember being in foster care. As far as how many children are in a foster home it just depends sometimes there are more then one foster child sometimes there is only one. That is not included the biological children and or adopted children that the foster parent(s) already have.
I was my parents first foster child, while they were fostering me they eventually got other fosters that were there same time as me. When I was just a baby being fostered they also ended up fostering a sibling’s pair for about a 15 months, they were something like 8 and 10 when they came to live with us. After them they would get other foster kids on and off but I don’t think any besides me stayed (was adopted when I was 3, with family since 3 weeks old) as long as the siblings.
The baby will not be alone hopefully the child will end up with good foster parents if the child even needs to go into foster care for a short time. This matter can quickly be resolved it should not take long for a dna test. You may be able to avoid it all together. Plus the Lord is always with us. The lord will send an Angel to watch over this baby.
I was in a foster home for the first two months of my life before my adoption was finalized. It’s not ideal, but I really don’t think it had any long-term negative effects on me. The foster parents only had me to look after, no other placements. I think that’s usually how they do it with a newborn.
Unfortunately, the baby will probably feel completely alone because your ex is the only thing he/she has ever known. It is FAR better that you take custody than a stranger, but you’ll still potentially have to work through some early attachment issues. I wouldn’t imagine that the custody issue will take any longer to resolve than my adoption, so you’re probably only looking at being separated for a couple of weeks/months at the most.
Oh, and you deserve some sort of good father/good human being award. My biological father was 23 when I was conceived. He ran off and has since fathered a string of children he never raised with various women. I stopped looking for him after the third one I found who didn’t know where their ‘daddy’ was. If more people were like you, the world would be a better place.
first of all your an amazing man for trying to take care of your child..especially at such a young age.
i agree that you should ask your lawyer if a parent can become the foster parent to the child until you are able to.
but if the baby does go to foster care it wont be for a long time and i promise the baby wont remember it. it will be harder for you then it is for the baby. i live with a police officer and plenty of babies are taken from their drug addict mothers and put in foster care until the father or someone more stable is able to take care of the baby. all im saying is those babies arent scared for life at all. it all works out alright trust me
good luck
I would suggest contacting Child Protective Services now and making your interest in your child known. As an “interested party” who is likely the child’s father I can not imagine your being denied visitation from the start.
As a foster parent of infants I would like to think we provided well for the infants that came into our home, but it was allways very hard for the infants and for us when it came time for those babies to leave. Having the fewest number of separations possible is best for your baby. They will already being experiencing the loss of the separation from the birth mother who’s hormones are directly linked to their own.
In a situation like this the social agency will try to place the child in a relative home. NO, the relative does NOT need to be licensed at the time of placement. At some point they can attend
a training of 6 hrs[at the present time] and will become licensed.
In regular foster care That home would have to be licensed for birth —-to whatever. There may be other children in the home or there may not be any. Foster parents are very protective of the little ones coming into their home.
When we fostered we took in children birth to 6 yrs. They were all spoilled rotten when they left here and we were Friends with their parents by then also. They could call, visit, or sent toys if they wished. One little baby in two yrs of care Never wore the same outfit twice to a visit. Mom continued to make visits with us after the child returned home.
The agency will work with the relative and the child’s parents to come up with a suitable plan for all.
You will not lose out here. DNA is simple and painless these days and readily available —the agency will help you too.
Have your attorney try to get a court order ASAP for a prenatal paternity test. This is total bs that you do not have rights to take your child home when his “mother” is willing to cast him or her off to strangers. This absolutely sickens me. You should also have your attorney try to do this in the child’s interest. Keep on them, Nixon. Keep fighting for your child. Most DNA tests only take 3-5 days if they are done privately. The court ordered tests can take up to 6 week due to backlogged court systems. If you do a private DNA test, make sure you get one that is court admissable.http://www.dnaplus.com/fetal_cell_prenat…
Foster parents are screened and well educated in child care. I am sure that your baby will be well cared for until paternity is established and you can bring him/her home. There are also limits as to how many children can be in a home. Your baby may not be the only child in the home, but there will not be so many kids that the foster parents won’t be able tocare for him/her.
ETA No you cannot become afoster parent at 17, but what about your parents, or an aunt or grandparents? Relatives placement is usually considerd before stranger foster care and in some cases (at least in my state) a child can be placed into a relative’s care even w/o them being certified foster parents.
Ask your lawyer about the possibility of a relative forster care.
Paternity tests don’t take very long these days so ask your attorney if you can get visitation after the test comes back positive but before you are granted custody. Hopefully once paternity is established, the custody hearing won’t take very long.
Good luck and keep us posted
Try to get the court order for the paternity test now. Do whatever you can to keep the baby out of state custody.
I was in foster care immediately after birth. Most adoptees my age were. It’s certainly an acceptable practice if adoption is the planned outcome–or at least it used to be. Of course, it’s not the ideal situation, and yes it will be stressful for the baby, but it’s better to be in foster care for a short time than to spend a lifetime separated from one’s family.
I have sort of a different situation but still kinda the same. We adopted a baby from DSS. His mother left him at the hospital, signed away all her rights, and the poor fellow was all alone. We couldn’t do anything about it until we were approved to take him. By this time, he was already 3 weeks old. He spent the first 2 weeks at the hospital (because he was a drug baby), then he was moved to a special foster home. When I say special, he was placed with this lady because she is only a foster mom, not adopting, and she only takes newborns waiting to be placed. We got him a week later. This baby was so spoiled and lovey. He just wanted to be cuddled because that’s all he knew. The nurses at the hospital had spoiled him rotten, then sent him to the foster home for additional spoiling. I was very worried about him for that 3 weeks but now, I know that he was taken care of by so many. Your baby will be fine for that time. When it finally gets home to you, it will know it is home and will settle in but for now, others will take good care of it (I hate saying it but I don’t know the gender). Hang in there, this will all be over for you soon. I’m glad that you finally made the call to care for your child. You will never regret it. Good luck to you and to your child.
Who told you that you can’t see the child before the test is complete? If it’s “her side”, get a second opinion. If it’s your lawyer or a judge that issued an order, then you’re out of luck.
It might be possible to foster your own kid while the test is pending.
GO NOW and find out what you need to do to become a foster parent. Get certified, tell the social worker, and you can bring your son home from the hospital.
How will it effect your kid?
Well, how much do you remember about your first few days home from the hospital?
Nothing?
Right! Neither will your kid.
I see you have asked alot of questions regarding adoption/custody/ etc.
It is always best for the child to stay with their biological family whenever possible, however, if you feel you cannot accept this responsibility, then maybe you should consider Open adoption. There are lots of types of adoption. In a TRULY open adoption you are still involved in the childs life. Usually in the form of 3 to 4 visits a year. The child gets to have “adopted” parents, and still know who their biological father is, and where he came from. In some cases, adoptive parents include the birth parents extended family in the contact. This can be a great option if you are afraid of not being able to provide for the child. yes it is good for a child to know where they are from, and be loved. But at what cost. Please weigh all options. If you have any questions, please click my name and send me an email. I will try to answer any question you have.
I was a foster mom for a newborn baby and when I did it, the baby was the only child in the house. It got lots of TLC and smiled up at us and didn’t cry or fuss at all. It was wonderful to have just a newborn in the house.
A lot of foster moms who take the wee ones are older and experienced, sort of grandmotherly and they dote on the babies in their care. They only take the newborns, one right after another.
The rules are that babies under a certain age have to be placed with a foster mother who stays at home. Your baby will be fine. I promise.
find out how fast you can become its foster parent.. a good lawyer would have already thought about this. go to court before the baby is born and see if you can become its foster parent while the DNA test is being done..